I just had a random thought, and don't really have a great place to write it down so I thought I would preserve it here for someday. Maybe my kids someday can read this and, knowing the context of my life, can draw something out of it. I don't think it's quite right, but as long as I am aware of that, I think it's ok.
I've been working on this dumb little model on-and-off for a year now. Strategically, it's probably not important enough or impactful enough to work on for a year, but I'm sort of obsessed with getting it to work to prove a point. The point is sort of against one's intuition, so I am super insecure about this model and have created like 10 versions, changing the physics each time to capture something I might have missed earlier. Each time I come up with a new version, I run a ton of little tests on it to check it and measure how it performs. I try to put it through every little situation which might isolate a different aspect of the model, and then work on putting it in situations that might break it just to make sure it's stable. I go through this in such a methodical manner because I don't want anything about it to be unproven or left to chance. It all needs to have a secure foundation thoroughly backed by experiments and data.
As I am going through this process, I was thinking about other aspects of my life. If my scientific decisions are made based on large datasets, carefully constructed experiments, and careful postulated and clearly stated assumptions, I feel like my other decisions and philosophies are not subject to the same rigor. I make so many decisions daily about things like: how I parent, what I should do with my time, and what I believe and do for my health. I make these decisions based on intuition or "my gut". This is built upon a mix of my prior experiences (a very small dataset which is most often anecdotal at best), what I've been taught / read / heard (from informed or non-informed sources), and my own reason, all somehow consumed, internalized, processed together, and given various weights in some unconscious process to create an internal opinion, bias, intuition, or "gut feeling".
Side note: Despite all of the imperfect information and uncertainties, I am often of the strong belief that my system of doing this is somehow superior to your system. It's pretty obvious to me that my opinion of X is the correct one, and if you'd consider all of the information and powers of reason that I am privy to along with a superior processor like mine to interpret the data, you'd be of the same opinion.
Anyway, I feel like I am often very intuitive in nature, especially when I was younger and was not quite convinced of my own processor's superiority. I feel like most of the biggest decisions in my life have been made based on circumstances, optimism, and intuition: what career to pursue, which field within that career to chose, where to live, who to marry, what kind of a family to have, etc. It scares me sometimes to think about the stark contrast between the methods that I strive to uphold in research and "the rest of me". So why do I think it works? Here is my list of the top X reasons why I think this might be ok: number Y might shock you!
4. Outsourcing is awesome! I have always looked up to the people in my life who I consider the "experts", who take the time to become well-versed on different topics and who I trust. I have naturally gravitated towards these people, even though they often intimidate me. I don't have to know all the answers, sometimes it pays to know and trust someone who does.
3. Resiliency + optimism: I'm not saying that I am particularly resilient, but I think a lot of us are more resilient than we give ourselves credit. We can make a lot out of any situation. People who care, buy into things, work hard, and respect/love others are likely to be successful (whatever "success" is defined as) in any venture or situation. If I would have focused on fluid mechanics rather than solid mechanics, would I really have been more/less successful than I am now? Probably not. What's done is done, and after I've learned what I can from the past, I have a set of "boundary conditions" or circumstances right now and I decide how to respond to them in the present to build the future I want. I definitely see that this optimism most likely is a product of the awesome upbringing that I had, the fact that I have not had to struggle to survive, I have not been directly involved in any wars, I am part of a culture that generally looks at me in a positive light. However, I think the last point is also a huge source of optimism.
2. Don't overestimate my own importance. I am one piece in a huge puzzle. I am one star in an infinite sky. I am one grain in a grand beach. Therefore, not every decision or stance I take will have lasting or significant consequences on myself, those around me, or society at large. Therefore, not every decision is worthy of my careful thought. Not every decision that could have been made differently is worthy of my regret. I just don't have the capacity to do it all perfectly. I shouldn't pretend like I do. I need to be humble. Be willing to be wrong. Be open.
1. The last reason is really the underpinning reason: I just put it last because I wanted it to leave the last impression. I really do feel like our Father in Heaven, through the Holy Ghost, gives us two strong advantages. First, our intuition can be molded, sculpted, and nudged by God. In fact, my personal thought of these big decisions is that if you just turned off your brain and had to blurt out a decision in an instant, this answer would most likely be the right one. Of course, this is stipulated by striving to follow the commandments, repenting and correcting constantly, and trying to maintain a relationship with God. But if these things are there and I am worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I usually don't have a problem trusting that deep down feeling, whether it actually is just my own intuition or the Spirit communicating with me. This brings me to the second advantage. We can trust that our loving Father will make things all right in the end. If a decision is essential and we are striving to be worthy, he will influence all things for our good. If it is not essential, he may or may not intervene depending on how it fits into the "big plan," which may be more about others than about us. For me, this is a big part of the Peace that the my belief in God brings. It helps me have optimism (hope and faith). It helps me to be humble (or try to be humble).
This is incomplete and not well thought out, but I really should get back to work on my dumb little model:)
